Lord Forgiv Me For I Am Becoming A Thief

Looking back on the list that I made in the last post, I am finally convinced that there is no way in hell that I can fulfill 60% of the whole list. Especially the “coming early to work” part. I know for a fact that’s one thing that I will NEVER be able to do. But really, who knows. God works in a mysterious way, usually where my life is concerned.

I have a feeling that I am slowly turning into a thief. Well, still an awesomely cool thief but a thief nonetheless. I have mentioned in great detail about my breaking into next door’s toilet in one of the previous posts. I’m here to tell you that ooops, I did it again! I played with your heart, gonna lose in…sorry, I got carried away there. Anyways, yes, I broke into the next door’s toilet again. Only this time I had an uneasy feeling about it. I somehow sensed that the landlord was going to come into the house and catch me naked. And that, my friend, will not be a pretty sight. Trust me, I know. I’m the one who has to look in the mirror after all. I remembered to lock the door this time for safety precautions and guess who’s on my side this time – God. I didn’t get caught and Mrs. Spidey didn’t even care to visit. How rude! I made it out alive and live to tell the tale and plan for another next time. Perhaps not. The landlord is coming back in a couple of days. Bummer!

Also, not only am I practicing the art of breaking in, I did something terrible the other day. I borrowed a pineapple tart from the office’s communal fridge. Before you accused me of stealing, you need to understand the situation I was in first. I was super hungry. When I said super that means major. “That still doesn’t give you the right to take a pineapple tart that doesn’t belong to you”, you might say. You’re absolutely correct, it doesn’t and I am fully aware of it. However, on the box there was a post-it, you know the little yellow thingy that you write on and stick it wherever. Yeah, that. Obviously somebody had written some kind of a note regarding the content of the box. There could only be two possibilities of what could have been written (I did not have the ability to comprehend since it was written completely in Greek and asking a fellow workmate to translate it would make me feel like a total loser as everyone would then know I secretly wanted to take what was inside the box and they would know who to blame should the content or even the whole box went missing).

Possibility A:
I am so kind and generous that I’m offering my gift in the form of pineapple tarts that are yours to keep (more like eat). Come on, don’t be shy. I know you want it. Dig in and find out for yourself their true beauty. Behold my divine pineapple tarts!

Possibility B:
If you ever think that you can eat these pineapple tarts, you are sooo wrong, sistah! (Perhaps writing in a ghetto style will make it more dramatic, you know). Get your hands of the box. Better yet, get that thought of your mind. This is not a charity box and you, sistah are a homeless bugger who deserves no charity from me. No, not even pineapple tarts!

I’m going with possibility A. Therefore, it is safe to say that I wasn’t stealing. In fact, I was helping the owner of the box containing oh so yummy pineapple tarts. You see, these pineapple tarts don’t last forever. They will expire and can no longer be consumed. Before this tragedy occurs, I am taking the initiative to finish everything up (I only took one. There were two other tarts left in the box. Initially there were three). I was doing this out of human kindness. What if somebody ate the tarts after their expiry date? There will be adverse consequences and I, the cool & kind person that I am, was making sure that this will never happen. Again, I wish to reiterate the fact that I did not, I repeat, DID NOT steal any pineapple tarts. It sure was tasty though!

When I was about to leave the pantry with my pineapple tart (yes, only one), something caught my eye. It was there, a blinking red light cleverly placed in the corner of the ceiling. “Is it really what I think it is? Is it a CCTV? ”. Damn, I was so scared that I just stood there for about 5 minutes or so (or maybe just 1 minute) with my left hand holding the door knob. What if they caught me? Will I get sacked? What’s going to happen to my credibility, or worse, dignity (if I have any)? All these thoughts were running in my head until I decided to do the unthinkable. I took my pineapple tart to the toilet and ate it there. Surely, there’s no CCTV in the toilet, right? (God, I ate IN the toilet! How degrading, even for me) I kept it to myself (of course, d’oh!) and when I was about to leave the office, I saw the blinking red light again only this time above the main entrance’s door. I asked my workmate (he’s a very hardworking man. He usually stays later than I do) what it was and he said it’s just a sensor for the security door. He later confirmed that there’s another one in the pantry. He also confirmed that I won’t get sacked anytime soon…

Well, so I hope.

I also took a roll of toilet paper from work. I realized that this is considered stealing. However, to my defense, I ran out of toilet paper at home and was desperate. I also notice that a lot of people are doing this. One example is my friend who once took half a dozen rolls (in one go) from his workplace (a juice bar). Another example is a teacher who takes toilet paper rolls from his school (refer blog iamgettingfat in the link section). I therefore come to the conclusion that if everyone is doing it, I might as well join in. A wise man once said, if you can’t beat them, join them. I don’t want to be a loser, you know.